can you handle it ;

i try to believe
that the toxins i inhale
will take away the pain.
the pain that you left behind when you went away.
but its still there.
lurking in every inch of my body

scraping and scratching my soul as it goes along.
i try so hard to pretend it isnt there
but its too hard to overcome.
they say that its all part of life,
and you cant escape the pain that comes along with love.
love that i gave to you.

but i guess you dont want it.
so i'll just sit here and try to make the pain go away again.

Monday, October 29, 2007

haha, this blog now seems like my diary, and i dun care who reads it or who doesnt. (:

yes thats the way i love it. ive been pretty down last night,

sorry dad, i know you love me. too much.

i know ive been a bad girl. i know ive been out late consecutively,

i knew you know i take alcohol, i knew u you know i smoked.

i knew you know where i was at those friday saturday late nights.

but u didnt hiss a word. u avoid me, controlled your temper, everything.

u weren't sleeping last night, u pretended dummy dad.

as i was bathing u quickly went it to sleep.

thanks for sparing me from ur anger.

i realized im wrong.

i broke down for like 2 past hours.

and i really love you,

thanks mum , for shieding me from dad.

im glad ure a strong mum,

and insists i do good, instead of giving me up and allowing me to get my way.

thanks for allowing me to hate you, though what u meant for me was the best.

ure just like Jesus, who sacrifice everything for me.

and i love you too.

dear father, i know ive went out of hand,

you did tried to bring me home,

but i failed and failed.

i prayed and u gave me a sign to change church.

i think i'll do so lord,

anything i can do for you,

drop me a signal lord, give myself a dateline,

i want to come back into your presence.

draw me close to you

never let me go

yingqiu's party

my dearest dearest love ; 5 years dance partners, i will never forget those dance days with you guys! and every chingay, every makeup session every changing session, every food session, ah! so missed!

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Monday, October 1, 2007

God ; you know what

i miss these girls so much ):

i see them 3/4 times per week for months already

and now weeks without them seems weird ):

ahh ; helps ; shd i return?

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Sunday, September 23, 2007

darling , so darling
stay by me ;

i love the way i love to see you cook;
and you turning around to smile at me;
i like it when u grab me by the neck;
jus give me a soft peck on my cheek ;
my cheek and ears hurt when u pinch;
stupid you, laugh about my friggin` fringe;
hug me tight at the bus stop;
smell my hair when im close;
stealing a kiss from me;
so happy i would glow;

i remember how our story began;
i kept that extraordinary piece of note;
the first message i sent you;
was a pleasant big surprise;
ure special to me;
this i want you to know;

we know we're together in this big mistake;
but its you;
time and time i could not forsake;
i tried to let go;
but you said i should not control;
baby, lets just go with the flow

now sweetheart;
i dont care what others think;
ive open my heart;
and yes; it may seemed;
i love you so;
you said it too;
i want to know love and happiness;
with you XD

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Saturday, September 8, 2007

WHOOHOO!

first of all ; im super duper tired ; cus ive been playing/working non stop for 2 weeks. yes; but i promised ive to update and not abandoned this blog ; so im all here with XD ; all my past doings. XD ; i love holidays! WHEEE (:

pardon for the many pictures ;

went out for modelling interview with my sis (: obviously, they just want $$$ ; cus we're neither pretty nor hot ; ohwells ; i love myself and her , including all the fats and ugliness XD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOK (:

i shall blog how mean i was to her ; firstly water was splashed unto her ; she clean up , den we sprayed whipped cream ; den she clean up ; den we spray again ; den she clean up ; den she had cake all over her ; den she clean up ; den we attempted whipped cream again ; den she clean up ; den she got into the cab ; smellily ; XD

THIS IS MY BESTIE (: KOKMEIYI (:

761 XD at fish and co.

they're my favourite girls (: no matter what happens ; i still love them so much so much so much. and they know what i mean (: i love you XD

sorry we din mean for the unglam-ness ; we're just high ; HAHA

partied till like 2plusam ; cabbed back to my house and we started playing indian poker pig and all ; had drinks ; so pple got high and strip and dirty dance ; okays hahas ; if u believe (: whee ; partiful night ; and the JC pple so rock socks ; cus they have sch 730am next morning ; HAHA!

scream when we're back at school (:

heelllo. 409. okay part of 40906 XD

MY FAVOURITE CHEENA TEACHER ; XD you know he once told me no matter how hard i work ; i'll only get into YJC (: i proved him wrong alrytes ; i still love him (:

MR FONSEKA AND MRS TAN (:

STAYOVER AT ALYCIA LEE"S (:

girls ; sometimes i wonder why do i deserved such friendship ; long and strong (: forever lasting ; 10 years , i pieced back the memories like jigsaw ; i smile to myself ; i cry, i want to hold ur hands forever ; really , so thankful for the wonderful times ; so great for the deep friendship we know it holds ; i want to grow old with you ; sit on the couch and laugh at old jokes ; we can XD

FUNNY PEOPLE (:

ive been working like KOOKOO ; but i love it (: cus the people there nv fail to cheer me up ; no its me who cheer them up (: HAHAHA! i love singing barney songs i love poking fun i love tamil language talk i love hyper-ing. XD i love work ; cus i see no point in being pek cek ; so just chiong WHOOHOO XD

on thursday had a water parade at cartel with jeri william kelvin and waihong. HAHA; played water like kuku ; i was all drenched ; i went home with soak clothes arnd 3am ; my mum questioned and guess what ; i fake asleep (: YAYS clever me ; more more more! i love water parades and arousing each other with ice cubes! HAHAHA whoohoo ; fun love.

this is secret affair (:

CAMWHORE (:

XD hahas ; yays (: and i love BABY alot ; ryte baby?

KBOX (:

you see ; i told you i can sing ; see how much feelings i put into the song XD

black heels ; we love <3

just before the movie (: we went to suntec for the food fair! PIGGY!

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

had canoe early morning today ; miracle i pulled myself up ; cus i slept at 5am on fri night ; i ordered macs and it came at 4am ; ahahs (: anyways i love macs nights and tv late nights so rocks. canoe till like 2 plus ; went to adam's road to makan (: whee ; den met 409 at orchard ; erms was a bit cock ; but nvm (: enjoyed my dinner still ; went with jiajun zhiwei and wahtuck to BIG'O to makan (: talked like bird. HAHA -.- ; den i went to meet my long lost people (:

i swear i was not emo-ing or scratching my butt okays!

sorry ; he didnt mean it

dont ask me why gordon became like this ):

the most beautiful shepherd i could ever asked for (: always there; randall ; i know ive failed you; but u've nv failed to lift me up; ure always there ; so warm and true , i always want to turn to you, pray for me to walk back home , where i know i wont be alone.

this is jorris and joella

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

!zoozoo XD

pple you know what ; im feeling all guilty cus i didnt study for the exams at all XD

canoe play canoe play ; hurrays, nvms, this is what occurred during my exam week. woohoo!

anyways its over! and im going high with zoozoo! 761! chelkchelk! alycia! mum! xiaomei! SPCT!, sisterbrand! 409!baby!dance!piano!bangs! whoohoo ; okays ; im going to learn dessert bar officially next week , so i can do waffles and banana splits and sundaes and brownies; can eat my desserts okay pple! and i have so many things to do , esp with ZOOZOO (: XD.

this was after our last paper ; met lingli arnd 9plus at cine to chill. and jinglan got drunk , i swear! HAHA , family loves! so much ; i want more XD

ME XD stucking two bottles into my big nose.

with amanda and joanna (: at bugis after last paper. they spend a hell lot! haha, not forgetting i bought a shirt that reads ; TRAINEE POLE DANCER ; XD dont laugh okays , i aspire to be one.

as the picture speaks ; we met arnd 1030 on sunday ; den we studied like half an hour. we went to makan at pepper lunch ; den we shopped ; till like 6? and we went home to catch tvs! equivilant to zero dioptre XD no work done

this is ZOOZOO and ME at serangoon gdns country club , hurhur toilet.

had a blasting friday night! with zhiwei stripped to his briefs , being thrown into the pool, hahas XD loves ; and HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO LIM ;XD

to do list

sleepovers with many many uncountable pple

chalet with spct!

canoe training and fun camp

celebrate kok's birthday

dance shop zoo canoe with zoozoo

swimming lessons with zoozoo

dance lessons

piano lessons

go fetch chelk and gene

409 steamboat

6B sentosa outing

dessert bar trainings

canoe land and water trainings

go out chill with mum and sis

pack my room

love baby till i die

work so that i have moolah for sem2 clothes

get the 761 shirts done

eee... holidays are gone.

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Sunday, August 12, 2007

HEY IVE BEEN ENJOYING MYSELF SO MUCH FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS! so much i did not study at all (:

11 aug was a fun-filled day (: rilly proud of those who won themselves smth (: sorry yuanfeng ; guess i didnt ran well at all ; but had an enjoyable time ; thanks! and took many pics with SPCT! heehee. we rock we rock. XD den went out to tamp to eat with spct and later at night to vivo with that bunch of crazy pple. we took bus 65 from tamp to harbour front ; how far was that. so far my butt got pretty numb! and came to realize ZM from tanglin dance ; means i met him long way back. HAHA ; had a good time laughing at ZM para para dance! i love shuzhen and joanne!!! paddles up! XD was late so didnt acc lingli to yishun to catch car racing. HAHA

despite the late hours ; i woke up like 7am sun morn to meet joanne and shuz at tpy. we ate breakkie and bought cake to surprise andrew at kallang! but he overslept. shittys. ohwells. lucky the polo guys were there and we took their lorry to TP for their friendly. sorry yanli! had to make u walk in urself ): XD went to commonwealth with pat and shuz to help andrew celebrate anyways ; had a whole deal of great fun (: shall post the disgusting cakey pics when shuz sends me the photos. shuz is scary! hahahas; and i sleep slept snore like a pig when i reach home. TIRED!!! i attempted to study when i woke up at 12am ; but i soon fell asleep one more time (:

overalls ; I LOVE THIS WEEK. and I LOVE SPCT! and I LOVE MY BESTIE(s)!

sometimes i look back

i realized ;

i should have told you so.

i like you actually.

SPCT!

junior girls loves ;

jiajie ; ziming ; zihao ; shuzhen ; joanne and me

again (:

guess who i saw!? bernice heng! my pri school bestie! HAHAHA. presenting head and vice head prefects of marymount convent school! YAYS ; we met again at relay (: HURRAYS!

this is 761 ; my love

naichung (: we'll miss you

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

Friday, August 10, 2007

PPLE (: ITS SO NICE SEEING THOSE PPLE AGAIN!

okay; celebrations @ SP on wed was not bad and me and qinzhenny are girlfriends back again! its so nice hugging her in the midst of the crowded red people under the unbearable sun (: LOL at the track. dear sis and me went absoulutely crazy and off mind after the celebrations! WHOO! we're high assholes (: den i went off to town with shenli and ber (: freak, i know i shouldnt have, but i went drinking with ian and friends. ): anyways,

THURSDAY WAS A BLAST AT THE NDP @ MARINA BAY ; so blast cus i was with bestie siok (: LOVES! iloveher more than anything and we saw the DANCEINSPIRATION people. (: loves loves loves ; i love dancing and booty shaking with my love and also the mad photos! had a bad morning today ;

was supposed to meet yuting 10 at kovan, but i woke up 10 at home ): so u pple guess the story lah, cabbed home got changed. and i felt sososososo HAPPY to meet my old friends again ; went Yangping's hse to party (: took lots of pics (: it was naichung's fareweLL tho. im missing him =/ ohwells, we'll be seeing him off i guess (: I LOVE FRIDAY NIGHT WITH LOVELY PEOPLE.
oh ; not forgetting i cabbed home cus i missed the last train ): $18.80. rahs ): i still love tonight (:

me and zhiwei can go drown in the kallang river ; cus we got CANOE RELAY DUATHLON tmr morn and we pig like nobody''s business tonight ): HAHA, spider pig!
shall post the photos when im done with it (: yay-ness
bless me pple. its 130am, ive to wake up in 5 hours time. it been like this for 4 days, dont think i'll hold out much longer.

and im officially in LOVE again, a guy this time (: aww :D

don'tbotherfeelingsorrynow.

__________

crush down but not destroyed
rachel cheng
02may
sp; optometry
cafe cartel; ps
DIRTYDANCE
zhutoubendan@hotmail.com

confessions
craves
a tan body
many many moolahs
dresses;tops;jeans
burn my hair
change class